So here we are, 38 hours before the start of my first full marathon, and I am FREAKING OUT!!!!!! I have found that negative thoughts and feelings have been creeping in a lot during the last few training runs, to the point that I had seriously considered pulling out of Sundays Yorkshire Marathon. I had entered in secret, and didn't tell a lot of people that I was doing it, so it would have been very easy. No shame, no recrimination. However a little voice in the back of my head kept insisting, you can do it, you know you can. When I ran the simply glorious Royal Parks Foundation Half Marathon a couple of weeks ago I ran at a nice slow leisurely pace and honestly felt that I a good few miles in the legs left at the end of the race. So how could I silence the voice in my head that was saying don't do it , your insane, ooh cake etc etc.
I decided to finally get round to reading the Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters. To fellow Sheffield Medical Graduates he is the undergraduate dean who spent most of his lectures telling us "your all going to be doctors" and "I am not your dad"(right on both counts there Steve!), to everyone else he is the sports psychologist behind the success of the British cycling team. His premis is simple, in your head there are two distinct entities, the human; logical, pragmatic and responsible for the person you are and who you want to be, and the chimp; emotional, paranoid, irrational and responsible for making sure your survive long enough in the jungle to produce offspring. The chimp is the negative being, overcautious and makes decisions based on feelings and assumptions. Its the voice in your head that tells you you cant do something, senses danger when there is none and generally gets up to all sorts of nonsense if you don't keep it in check. The human is the logical rational part of you, but it is weaker than the chimp, so you need to manage your chimp so your inner human can break out. It would seem therefore that I have a very healthy chimp.
So final preparations are in full swing, I have perfected my play list, packed my case and decided on my target time. I want to get round in less than five and a half hours. This may sound like a long time, but for me its a realistic target. If this goes for plan I will aim for sub five hour in London. To York I go, I have my I-pod, my running vest and my mantra ready, and just to be on the safe side, I will take a banana in case my chimp kicks off at mile 18.
Wish me luck!!!!!!!
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