A tragic reminder of the importance of Tommy's
This week saw a public tragedy that reinforced why we are supporting Tommy's. As the rest of Great Britain celebrated Super Saturday, with six golds in one day for team GB, Gary Barlow and his wife Dawn were mourning the loss of their fourth child, who was still born. In a statement Gary said that they were devastated at the loss of their little girl Poppy, and were focusing on giving her a beautiful funeral and loving their remaining children as much as possible. Although I don't know personally the pain they are feeling, thanks to the bravery and honesty of Quinn's parents, I have been given a glimpse of the anguish felt after the loss of a baby. I do however know only too well how Gary and Dawns friends will be feeling. The complete sense of shock, not knowing what to do or say, feeling cowardly and useless as their friend cries whilst on the phone and they have absolutely no words, the overwhelming desire to turn back time and do something, anything, that will allow their friend to keep their baby, the disbelief and anger that the world goes on regardless. I personally had my own brand of survivor guilt, something that Mark Owen, who happily became a father for the third time recently, may be able to empathise with. I couldn't understand why I had been allowed to keep my baby, and my friend had lost hers. I felt guilty every time I looked at Emily, every time she smiled at me I felt wrong for taking joy in the moment, knowing that Quinn was gone. I also felt scared that my friend would be lost to me, unable to cope with seeing my family, however this was unfounded, my dear friend showed bravery that I am certain I would not be capable of, and soon embraced Emily once again and continues to be a large part of my children's life.
The loss of Poppy Barlow highlights the tragic mystery that is stillbirth. We very rarely know why a baby is lost at birth. The Barlows will have been able to afford the best in health care and nutrition, and have had three healthy children before this pregnancy, but they still lost their little one. The loss of a child is I am sure the most awful thing that can happen, the loss of all that could have been, the heavy feeling of empty arms as you leave hospital, but what surely must make it worse is not knowing why. Human beings are intelligent apes and we need answers. As a doctor I have seen that people can face terrifying situations with unbelievable bravery if they know what they are up against, why it happened and what they and medical staff can do about it. Parents of a still born baby are nearly always denied answers to these questions and that is where Tommy's come in. They help fund research into the causes of stillbirth and provide midwife led helplines to try and lead people through what must be the darkest hours they will ever experience. The pain felt by the Barlows is acute and overwhelming, but it is no less painful than the emotions felt by Quinn's mummy and daddy, the only difference is that they have now found the strength to incorporate the pain into their every day life, and will carry it with them forever.
If you do nothing else today, spare a thought for Poppy, Quinn and the countless other babies that have been lost either at or before birth. Think of their parents and follow the Barlows in loving your children as much as possible, I know I will. Please support Tommy's. You can as always do this by sponsoring us, however, I would be equally delighted with a direct donation, every penny counts.
If you have been affected by anything I have talked about today and feel you need some support, please contact Tommy's, thier website link is below. Thank you.
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